It's Been Awhile

It's been a really long time.

A year and a half since I've posted. And a whole lot has changed.

I guess I'll start by mentioning that, for a long time, I stopped needing this blog for support. I was able to motivate myself - to stay on top of things. I guess you could say that, in all honesty, I'd forgotten about my band for a good long while.

But now, I've gotten to the point where I NEED to talk about it. I need to motivate myself once more. I've become too complacent with the weight that I'm at (220, I think. I don't have a scale anymore, which is a sin in and of itself) and I want to lose the rest of what I promised myself I would do.

In the past year and a half, I've moved nearly 4,000 miles from the house I was raised in outside of Philadelphia to Glasgow, Scotland. Not a little move at all. After graduating from Drexel University in the summer of 2010, I applied for a Master's program at the University of Glasgow, was accepted and moved here. I'd never been here before, and knowing very little about Scottish food, had my band loosened before I left. That was a good choice. With the foods that are readily available, I often find myself needing to vomit with the band loosened. Things could be worse.

Anyway. So here I am. Scotland. And I refuse to leave. I love it - it's home. I'm living in my second flat, the first having been in Glasgow's trendy and expensive West End. I moved in with my boyfriend about 3 months ago and we're outside Glasgow in a town called Airdrie. I love it. It feels like home.

We've been doing a lot more physical activity than I had in my first months here. He has a dog, which is in turn, my dog as well. We walk her constantly. We've also been spending a lot of time exploring castes and churches and cathedrals and abbeys. It's wonderful. And I feel like I'm getting the physical activity that I need.

However. Gym memberships here are expensive. It's absolutely ridiculous when I think of the price in the States. So, for now, I'm looking to buy a used mountain bike. Alan's brother (Alan being my boyfriend) is skilled at fixing and repairing bikes and offered to do it for me if I get something that needs work.

I just really need to get motivated. Alan's motivating me. Regardless of how I look, he wants me to be healthy. I need to lose it so I don't have as much trouble when hiking. And, generally, I do want to look good. He makes me want to look and feel sexy. I love dressing up to impress him. It's great motivation, having someone who adores you regardless but that you still have an undying urge to impress.

I bought a GORGEOUS dress a few weeks ago. It doesn't zipper. Not at all. But I bought it because when I stepped out of the fitting room, even without the back done up, Alan's jaw dropped. It's a white 60's style polkadot dress that I found on clearance at Dorothy Perkin's. Even on clearance, it was a bit expensive compared to what I normally spend. However, it felt great to see his jaw fall. And, ultimately, I want it to fall when I walk into the room with it fitting perfectly. If I work hard, it shouldn't take me long at all. It's only a size smaller than I would typically buy. And my god do I want this dress to fit.

Oh, and I guess I should include a recent picture.

This is Alan and I outside Dumbarton Castle, which we discovered no longer has a castle there.

I'm not unhappy at all with the way I look. I feel WONDERFUL. But I know that, in the long run and although losing 75 pounds is great, I want to lose another 65. I'm more than halfway there. With some hard work, I can definitely do this.

I'm Getting There.

I've been busy. Very busy.

School is over for the term, as of yesterday. But I was hired by the Navy to write 6 videos aimed at middle and high school kids. That's what I'm suppose to be working on right now actually. I've also got grad school applications due at the end of the month. It's been a really rough time right now. 

And it's terrible, but I'm thrilled that the new medication my doctor put me on has a side effect of decreased appetite. I mean, that's not why I'm taking it, but I'm all about nice side effects, if I'm going to have any at all.

Oh! As of this morning, I'm down 55 pounds. How awesome is that? I only weight 235 pounds. This is awesome. I'm so motivated. I'm about 90 pounds away from goal. It's a long road, but this has been so totally worth it. 

And I've set myself a new mini-goal. In mid-January, I'm going to visit my Aunt and cousins in Chicago. I was there at the end of June, when I was still a little over 20 pounds heavier. I want to look good when I go out there. 

I've also got a wedding to go to the weekend before that trip, so I really want to look good. And I'd LOVE to be in high 220's for that wedding. 

Speaking of the wedding, Kate, the bride to be, and I are going to start going to the gym after the wedding. I have no motivation to go by myself, but with a friend, I think I might. Right now, I'm still just walking a lot. And I know that my weight loss would be even better if I got motivated and exercised. 

I think I'm going to go do some Wii Fit now. I need to use it more. My excuses are running out - I'm home more now, and my room is clean enough that I have space for the Wii Fit. Here goes nothing!

Almost To A Milestone!

I've always hated subway turnstiles. At 290 pounds, I always had to turn sideways to go through and it's become a habit. Even turned sideways, I would graze the sides. They're filthy, I didn't want to touch them anymore than I needed to.

Yesterday, I was going through the turnstile and realized something - I went through normally and didn't touch the sides! It was a really big moment for me. I can't remember the last time I was able to do that. Actually, I don't know if I ever could. I only started using the subway freshman year, and then, I weighed about the same as I do right now. 

And that brings me to the fact that I'm down to 241! A total loss of 49 pounds! I'm almost officially to the 50 pound mark - and once I pass it, I'll be in the 230's. I haven't weighted that since I was in high school (over 3 years ago). 

It's been hard for me loosing the past 5 pounds (it's taken me nearly 2 months and most of that weight loss was in the last three weeks). However, it's almost like they're flying off now. 

I feel really good. Like, really good. I think I'm really going to kick it up a notch. I want to move quicker. My band is tight, not too tight, but tight enough that I have trouble with doughy foods. I like it where it's at. 

Next weigh in at the doctor's is Wednesday. I'm excited. I like going (except for the fact that the hospital is in North Philly, which is a TERRIBLE neighborhood, and I feel the need to run from the train station to the hospital as fast as I can. Yes, it's that bad.)

I'm here! I haven't disappeared! I swear!

Wow. I've disappeared for longer than I had thought.

Things have just been INSANE. This is the second year in a row where I've produced a play for the Philly Fringe Festival. It's an amazing experience, but it's a lot of work. This year was really successful, at least in my eyes. I rented Studio 5 at the Walnut Street Theatre (which is the oldest theatre in the country). It's a 52 seat black box theatre. I've been working on this since February. Falling Gnome Productions, my company, was founded to basically produce my work. This year's show was REALLY good. I figured I'd show a few pictures from the show.

(I'm hiding behind the red arm chair - next year I won't feel obligated to hide!!!)

I love working on my shows, but I'm crazy exhausted. Worst part? I go back to class this week. (My school is on quarters - summer term ends in early September and fall term begins late September.) At least this is SENIOR YEAR. I'll be finished. Best part? I'll be skinnier when I finish college than when I started. In 9 months (or a little less) I'll hopefully have lost another 40 to 50 pounds and I'll amazing and I won't be scared to start Grad school or move out or anything.

I've been amazed at how good I feel though. Energy. I can walk up and down stairs without getting too winded. I feel great walking around the city again! It had been really hard for me to walk. Anything from walking through a parking lot to walking city blocks to get around - I could barely do it 7 months ago. I feel so great now. It's ridiculous how much better I feel. 

Argh. I hate my back and legs.

It's 3:30 in the morning and I woke up a half hour ago with incredibly bad leg pain. 

I use to get this more than I have recently. I have two herniated discs in my lower back, and in addition to back pain, it usually causes some super annoying leg pain. And it decided to do that tonight, a night where I had gone to bed early and was attempting to get a good night's sleep.

After a few minutes of tossing and turning, I went to the bathtub. Usually, if I soak my legs in REALLY REALLY REALLY hot water, it'll help for a little bit. I guess it relaxes the nerves. Tonight, it did nothing. Great.

So I'm sitting here, wondering if I'll ever get back to sleep. Tonight was suppose to be the first night back on a better sleeping schedule. Apparently my body had other plans.

At least I'm being semi-productive. I had to send a few emails, so I did that. I think I'm going to try to get back to sleep. Tylenol first? Sounds like a plan.

You know, I think the worst part of this is that the doctors said it would get better as I lost weight. The less pressure on my spine would elevate a lot of the pain. 44 pounds down and the pain is still there. That's a significant amount! I wanted that to help! A lot of the reason I did all of this was to help the pain I've been having. I wanted to see results. I thought I was well on my way. It's very discouraging. 

Ugh. I'm going back to bed. Hopefully it's better in the morning and I don't have to go to work like this. It makes sitting in a chair really hard, but standing is bad too. Too much of either one.

Wooooo!

I've lost another 1.8 pounds in the last 4 days. This whole wisdom tooth thing may have been the jump start I needed. That brings me down to 246.3. I can't believe Im almost to the 230's! I feel so proud of myself. I don't think I can fathom being smaller than 230. I don't know if I remember being smaller than that, except when I was in 6th or 7th grade. Wow. It really just hit me how much I've lost. 43.6 pounds since February. That seems like a lot when I look at it like that. Wow. 

And now, to put it into perspective. These things both weight 43 pounds. 

I feel really good right now. I still find it strange that people in my family don't believe that the insurance company would cover my surgery. I don't think they get the concept. I'm not lying when I say I weighted 290 pounds. And I'm 5.7 And that all brings my BMI over 40. And, if your BMI is over 40, the insurance company is like "Heeyyyy! Let's make you skinny!" 

They don't get that. It bugs me.

I was suppose to go in for a fill today, but can't due to school stuff. I now have to put it off for 3 weeks. I know that I still need another fill. I hadn't eaten breakfast since I went to the oral surgeon to have my stitches out this morning, so I came home with the intent of making a breakfast/lunch sorta thing. I made a slice of Ellio's pizza. It's soft and chewable right now. I didn't mean to eat the whole thing, but I did. And that's far more than I should be able to eat. I don't feel as guilty, since it was both my breakfast and lunch, but still.

I ordered some pants from Old Navy and they SHOULD be here today. I'm really excited. All of my pants are really big on me. I even had a pair almost fall off when I stood up in class the other day. I'm pretty sure that no one noticed, but still. That's a problem. 

I think this weekend I'm going to really go through and clean out what is unwearable for me. I haven't been a size 18 since I graduated high school, and even then, it was a comfortable 18. And when I started all of this, I was bulging out of my 22's. 

Puppets, Not Muppets

Oh. I wanted to share the puppets I've been working on this term! They made this term considerably better. It's been so much fun working on them.

This is my shadow puppet. The puppet itself isn't meant to be see, but rather flash light behind it onto a white screen. The head moves up and down and he chases the little person. 

This is my hand puppet project. I wanted to make a gnome, so I did. He's really cute. When I brought him home, my Dad was using him to drive the car. It was pretty funny.

This is my final project. I let myself get a little out of hand and made two so far. I might make one more to go with them. They are hand and rod puppets. I haven't put the rods on their hands yet. They really aren't that hard to make, at least to me.  And they are both my Muppet-esque project. I'm a big fan of the Muppets and these are my tribute.  

So this is the class I'm skipping today. Given that most people hadn't finished their hand puppets last week, I'm not worried about falling behind, mainly because I'm far ahead. 

Either way, I'm really proud of the way they've come out. I've put a lot of effort into them and wanted them to be the best they could be.