Long time, no see

It's been a while since I've been able to post.

Things are pretty stressful right now. I'm back in classes, which is really hard, because there are no good choices here and it's really hard to find time to pack lunches. I had a hot dog and some hash browns for lunch. Only ate, oh, maybe a 1/4th cup of the hash browns. I keep telling myself I'm at least making the best choices I can with what's given. That's part of the struggle.

I haven't been on the scale in a few days. I've kind of hit a plateau after my fill. I'm at 31 pounds down and I haven't been getting further.


It's funny. I had a cupcake the other day and found I couldn't eat it because it was way too sweet for me. I've gotten so use to not having the sweets that they aren't desirable anymore.

And on that note, I'm in love with Skinny Cow ice cream products. I bought these ice cream bars that have chocolate on them and they're the size of a typical popsicle. They're 80 calories with 3 grams of fat and AMAZING. I'm a big fan of ice cream and this hits the spot. It's also great, since they're prepackaged, I don't have to worry about over indulging.


But I think part of the plateau is really the stress lately. It's not a good thing, but it'll pass. This is the first down time I've had in a few days and it's only because I have a break between classes, which I'm using to catch up on emails and such.

I might go sit outside for awhile, since it's so nice out. Just under two hours until class and I don't know what to do with myself. I'll figure it out eventually.

Live and Learn, Right?

So today is, effectively, the worse day ever.

I decided to go to the caf at school, since there are SOME options I can have. Got a small salad with a hard boiled egg and a few french fries. It was my 'treat' of the day, I wanted the potatoes over everything else they serve on campus, because it's all crap. Apparently, the universe wanted to teach me a lesson. And what is that lesson, you may ask. Well, don't eat dry potatoes OR hard boiled eggs.

I threw up onto my plate.

No one saw me.

But I put my tray on the dirty dish racks and RAN out of there.

I thought I was going to cry. I almost did.

School's the last place I want to have a problem. I was trying to be good. I was trying to eat the right things and it backfires.



Also learned over the past week that stringy meat, cooked spinach, and shrimp are not things to frequent.

Oh well. Live and learn.

Hiccups

By the way, hiccups are hard.

And so is burping. But mainly hiccups. It's painful. I mean, sometimes they were painful before, but this is different. And really hurts.

I dread hiccups.

First Fill and Epic Fail

I had my first fill yesterday. I don't want to get into how incompetent the hospital support staff is, because I don't want to get upset again, but they really ruined my day.

But anyway. I got my first fill. And I have to say, it was really neat to do the barium study under the x-ray. I can't even begin to tell you how cool it was to see the way my stomach is now processing food. It was almost like a funnel. The stuff went in, and then slowly dripped through the band.


I was fine at first. I met a friend for breakfast after my fill, got a little quiche and it went down fine. Went to dinner with my Mom, everything went down fine. I was amazed. I was expecting to have more problems.

Well, around 9, I'm having a little of my leftovers, and part of a piece of shrimp did not get chewed properly. I could feel it as soon as I swallowed. And it was painful. So I had a few sips of water, and it dislodged it enough for me to throw it back up without too much pain. It was pretty funny, almost like in the movies when someone's choking, and it comes FLYING out of the persons mouth. That was this.

Then today, I had just gotten home around 4:30. I hadn't eaten breakfast. So I was hungry. Not REALLY hungry, but hungry enough. I sat down with some low-fat cheese and some prosciutto. Apparently the prosciutto just is way to stringy for me to eat anymore. It got stuck again - I could feel it. So I took a few sips of water, and then throw up the water, but not the meat. It gradually went down, which made me feel better. I thought I was going to die. Really. I don't like that feeling. No one does.

I figure, at least I'm learning. Neither experience was THAT bad, I've heard about it taking hours to unstick things. I'd rather learn my lesson from a small experience like this, than something big and really painful.


But I'm glad I'm feeling a good amount of restriction. That makes me really happy. I still feel mentally hungry, but that's something I really need to work on. I feel satisfied in my stomach, but my brain keeps telling me to keep eating, that it wasn't enough. I'm working on it.


Oh! And yesterday, at dinner with my Mom, we had shared a meal. I didn't have much at all, and this was the first time anyone had really commented on it. The waitress was worried that there was something wrong with it - I just explained to her the truth, that I couldn't eat much, but that it was delicious.



I've been shopping for clothes. Kohl's had some great clearance stuff, and so I'm stocking up for the future. I got a pair of really nice pants, size 14, for 4 dollars. They're going in my stash. If I see something I really like that's smaller, I'm buying it, if it's cheap enough. Stock pilling so there isn't too much to buy later. It's my plan. And pants like that aren't going to go out of style.

Also bought myself a pair of new flip-flops, since I'm almost to 30 pounds. 2 more to go until I'm all the way there. They're the nice ones, from Adidas, with the smooshy padding. I wanted something better than the ones I usually buy at Old Navy and make my feet hurt.

Back to School

So the problem with staying up late is that I get hungry. I always do. 11:30 or 12 roll around, and I'm hungry. And I can't go to bed, because I've got stuff to get done, but I'm hungry. Any ideas on a cure?

Anyway. I'm at a small standstill. I think I need to work out more. My plan isn't going as well as I'd hoped, mainly because of my crazy sleep schedule. I'm disappointed that I haven't had as much time. It bugs me.



I'm nervous about going back to class. I'm worried that my eating habits will get worse. I've got a plan though, I think. It's just going to be really hard to keep on track. But I think I've got this.

Slowing Down.

I've been bummed for the past few days because my weight loss stopped. I wasn't gaining an ounce, but I wasn't loosing either.

Today I forgot to weight myself before I ate breakfast. I usually would skip it for the day, and weigh myself tomorrow. But I didn't have time yesterday morning, so I got on the scale.

Amazingly, even with having eaten breakfast and had a drink with my medications, I'm down another 2.5 pounds to a total of 27.5 pounds lost.

My next goal? To get below 260. I'll be there in just over 2.5 pounds. I can do that.


And I've been using the exercise bike. I always enjoy bike riding and I ride the bike while watching TV, so it goes by very quickly. And I get to a good pace with it.

I did try an elliptical machine at Sam's Club the other day. I really liked it, but it was 600 bucks and HUGE. Other than the fact that I can't afford that, I don't know where you'd put it if you didn't have a room just for gym equipment. They're really nice though.


You know what I just realized? Today is 4 weeks from my surgery date. So that means, in 5 and a half weeks, I've lost almost 30 pounds. I think that's pretty freaking awesome.


Here's to my next 3 pounds and being in the 250's!


Oh, and I'm really glad, my scars have been healing well. Two of them you can barely find. It's great.

Sabotage Among Friends

Eating with my boyfriend's family is ALWAYS a challenge. His mom is really strange about food. She claims she's on weight watchers, but other than the fact that she spends money on meetings, there's no other proof. 

First off, they weren't going to invite me to dinner tonight since 'She can't eat'. I think it's really rude to make that assumption and decide for someone what they can and cannot do. Secondly, I can eat. Maybe not everything, but I'm allowed food. I'm not starving myself over here. I just don't need a lot to be satisfied. 

Okay. So, she's weird about food. Once, when I was doing the low-carb diet, I picked up ONE tortilla chip and she hit my hand. Wtf, right? I was highly insulted and was really upset about this one for awhile. Low-carb doesn't mean no-carb and I think I can decide for myself if I want a single freaking chip. 

Well, tonight at dinner, she was all 'Can you eat that?' I'm pretty sure she asked about 14 times, no lie. Then, after our meals arrive, I pull a piece of quesdilla onto my plate. Bill and I had decided to share beforehand. So, I start to eat, and she keeps asking 'Do you want some of mine?' I decline several times. She just doesn't let up. 

Bill's sister and niece decided to get a dessert. I didn't want any. Not only was I comfortably full, but I don't want to waste calories on that. I'm picky about what's allowed room in my stomach. Bill's mom and dad also decided to share a dessert. Bill was with me, he didn't want anything. So, when the dessert gets there, Bill and I are offered to try both desserts, we both decline. His sister doesn't ask again. His mom asked both Bill and I over and over again, only leaving Bill alone when he tried some. I wasn't let off that easily. Only when she had finished the dessert did she stop asking. 

Now, some people would try to say she was being nice, and that's not completely wrong, she was. But for her, it's not about that, not entirely. Yes, it's nice to share, but it's something else to harass people into sharing. Bill's sister offered and when I declined, she didn't ask again. When you ask repeatedly if someone wants something, knowing that they've just had surgery and are trying to loose weight, you want to see them fail. 

I'm prepared for people like this. Not everyone can just be genuinely happy for you. She's one of them. And I can't really get rid of her, so I'll have to deal.