It's Been Awhile

It's been a really long time.

A year and a half since I've posted. And a whole lot has changed.

I guess I'll start by mentioning that, for a long time, I stopped needing this blog for support. I was able to motivate myself - to stay on top of things. I guess you could say that, in all honesty, I'd forgotten about my band for a good long while.

But now, I've gotten to the point where I NEED to talk about it. I need to motivate myself once more. I've become too complacent with the weight that I'm at (220, I think. I don't have a scale anymore, which is a sin in and of itself) and I want to lose the rest of what I promised myself I would do.

In the past year and a half, I've moved nearly 4,000 miles from the house I was raised in outside of Philadelphia to Glasgow, Scotland. Not a little move at all. After graduating from Drexel University in the summer of 2010, I applied for a Master's program at the University of Glasgow, was accepted and moved here. I'd never been here before, and knowing very little about Scottish food, had my band loosened before I left. That was a good choice. With the foods that are readily available, I often find myself needing to vomit with the band loosened. Things could be worse.

Anyway. So here I am. Scotland. And I refuse to leave. I love it - it's home. I'm living in my second flat, the first having been in Glasgow's trendy and expensive West End. I moved in with my boyfriend about 3 months ago and we're outside Glasgow in a town called Airdrie. I love it. It feels like home.

We've been doing a lot more physical activity than I had in my first months here. He has a dog, which is in turn, my dog as well. We walk her constantly. We've also been spending a lot of time exploring castes and churches and cathedrals and abbeys. It's wonderful. And I feel like I'm getting the physical activity that I need.

However. Gym memberships here are expensive. It's absolutely ridiculous when I think of the price in the States. So, for now, I'm looking to buy a used mountain bike. Alan's brother (Alan being my boyfriend) is skilled at fixing and repairing bikes and offered to do it for me if I get something that needs work.

I just really need to get motivated. Alan's motivating me. Regardless of how I look, he wants me to be healthy. I need to lose it so I don't have as much trouble when hiking. And, generally, I do want to look good. He makes me want to look and feel sexy. I love dressing up to impress him. It's great motivation, having someone who adores you regardless but that you still have an undying urge to impress.

I bought a GORGEOUS dress a few weeks ago. It doesn't zipper. Not at all. But I bought it because when I stepped out of the fitting room, even without the back done up, Alan's jaw dropped. It's a white 60's style polkadot dress that I found on clearance at Dorothy Perkin's. Even on clearance, it was a bit expensive compared to what I normally spend. However, it felt great to see his jaw fall. And, ultimately, I want it to fall when I walk into the room with it fitting perfectly. If I work hard, it shouldn't take me long at all. It's only a size smaller than I would typically buy. And my god do I want this dress to fit.

Oh, and I guess I should include a recent picture.

This is Alan and I outside Dumbarton Castle, which we discovered no longer has a castle there.

I'm not unhappy at all with the way I look. I feel WONDERFUL. But I know that, in the long run and although losing 75 pounds is great, I want to lose another 65. I'm more than halfway there. With some hard work, I can definitely do this.

If The Shirt Fits

Today was a big day for me. Not only am I down where I was before vacation (which is awesome in and of itself, and was much easier than I expected) but today, I went shopping.

I went out with the goal of going to Torrid. I had a coupon and they had their 50 percent off clearance deal going on. Mom and I got there and stopped in Lane Bryant. I bought a shirt that I had thought about months ago and was now only 10 bucks (AND a smaller size). 

We're walking past Jones New York and I look in the window at a shirt and tell my Mom how I can't wait to be able to go in there and buy that shirt. It's so cute and I just wish I could shop there. We end up going in, because they're having an awesome sale and my Mom needs stuff. So, we're looking for her and I thought to myself "I wonder if this tank top would fit me?"

So I try it on. 

AND IT FITS!

Then, having forgot about the shirt in the window, I'm wandering around and looking for more shirts to try on. 

And I see it. Right there. The shirt. And I grab it. Try it on. ANNNNNNDDDDD IT FITS TOO! It's not a perfect fit, but it fit. (Pardon how terrible the picture is - my Mom isn't good with the camera.)

I can't explain how I felt. This is the first time in a long while where I haven't had to shop in plus size specialty stores or in the women's department. It was an amazing feeling. I just couldn't believe it. 

Best part? I didn't buy anything at Torrid. 

Here's to getting smaller! - And noticeably smaller! Right now, size 20 pants are big on me and 18's are snug. When I started this, I was bursting out of my size 22 pants.

I'm really proud of myself right now. I feel good.

It's Been Put Into Perspective

So, I should probably eat something. I'm not super hungry, but considering it's 2:30 and I haven't had anything yet, I probably should.

253 feels good. Officially just 253. That's 36.7 pounds - gone forever. 

It was a funny feeling. On Monday, I went bowling with my friend Kate and her little sister, Lisa. Lisa is Miss Athlete of the Year and was bowling with a 12 pound ball, which I don't even want to lift. After I had picked it up, I realized that I had been carrying THREE of those around. It's a really good feeling when you can put things into perspective. I can't wait to be able to say I've lost a 5th grader with a book bag. My professor tells me that all the time - when he'd lost a significant amount, his friend told him he'd lost a 5th grader with a book bag. That's what I want.

This coming week will be a challenge for me. Vacation. I had practice with a mini trip over Memorial Day, and somehow, even though I wasn't good about what I ate, I still lost. But this trip will be more challenging. Sunday through Wednesday we're going down the shore. And the problem? I love boardwalk food. I mean, who doesn't? Fried anything. And everything's fried. And it's amazing. We're camping though, so we're going to do some of our own cooking, but it's still tempting. I just have to make sure I keep active while we're away. Nothing will be as bad as the cruise, where it's basically eat-yourself-until-you're-sick everyday. 

Chicago might be a challenge, I'm not sure yet. I think it'll be easy compared to going down the shore. 

Either way, I'm excited. We've got a lot planned for both places and I have a feeling we're going to have a great time.

Here's To The Next Step!

So I figured out why I had stopped loosing weight. Really, I hadn't be weighing myself as often due to the fact that I was waking up late and didn't have time to turn on the Wii Fit. Then it hit me. I was on the last 7 of my Pill pack. Now, keep in mind, this was my first month on the Pill. I'd been taking the Depo shot, which I loved, but they don't want you on for more than 2ish years and you don't get your period while on it so I've become accustom to not having it. Anyway, so I figured it out. I was bloated. I hadn't gained anything, but I was bloated. 

So now I'm happy to announce that - we're at 33.3 pounds down! Oh happy days! I'm still slow at this point, but I figured it out. When you average that I started the pre-op diet 11 weeks ago, that's still an average of 3 pounds a week. I'm happy with that. And right this moment, I'm at 256.6. I really want to get below 250 before I go to Chicago later this month. Memorial day weekend. If I work at it hard, I think I can do it. I'd love to go out there at my 40 pound goal. 

I also believe that I've really started to drop more inches without dropping any weight. You can see it leaving without the pounds. Still good, but annoying.

Again, the hardest part right now is making the right choices when I'm not home. Between school and socializing, we eat out a lot. It can become an issue. But what are you going to do? There's not much of a choice sometimes. But I'm working on it. A lot of sushi. And I mean a lot. I love it. It's good for you, not fried and all protein.

Here's to the next 6.7 pounds in 2.5 weeks. It can be done. But like I said, it'll need a lot of dedication.

Back to School

So the problem with staying up late is that I get hungry. I always do. 11:30 or 12 roll around, and I'm hungry. And I can't go to bed, because I've got stuff to get done, but I'm hungry. Any ideas on a cure?

Anyway. I'm at a small standstill. I think I need to work out more. My plan isn't going as well as I'd hoped, mainly because of my crazy sleep schedule. I'm disappointed that I haven't had as much time. It bugs me.



I'm nervous about going back to class. I'm worried that my eating habits will get worse. I've got a plan though, I think. It's just going to be really hard to keep on track. But I think I've got this.

To A New Life

I've been banded!

Monday, February 23rd, 2009. The day my new life began.

Given that it's only the 26th, we're not that far into it. But still, a lot has happened. I had my doubts but I know, deep down, that this was the best decision I've made in a long time. 

This blog, I'm hoping it'll be helpful for myself, in dealing with everything that's happening, and help others on the journey to decide on whether or not to get banded.

The process leading up to the surgery was almost surreal. And although it took 6 months to have the surgery, the wait was worth it.

The surgery itself went well. They were able to do it laparoscopically, which rocks. They were also able to use the Realize Band, the newest band approved by the FDA for use in the US. I choose this band because the port is less prominent and won't be as noticeable. And I liked their online support system.

After they woke me up from surgery and I was crazy disoriented (I kept yelling for my mom at first, since I was scared and wanted to see her.) They took me for x-rays of the band and port. I learned then that breathing without the oxygen hurt (from the tube that was originally down my throat) and then saw my band, which was really cool. Then, they wheeled me into the hall to wait for my transport people.

And this is the worst part of the whole experience. The transport people, they didn't come. After about 30 minutes of laying there, in pain because the meds were wearing off, I asked. The nurse called. No one came. Meanwhile, I have to listen to this other lady who was making this "oh" sounds so loudly and frequent that I was about to scream. She was trying to get all kinds of attention from people. It was just annoying because when they asked if she needed help, she ignored them.

Eventually, I was in so much pain I was in tears and told the nurse. She called the transport people, and this time, obviously only because I was in pain, they came. I had sat there for an hour and a half in a freaking hallway.

So then, some nurses assistant comes in, sets up my IV and heart monitor and leaves. Doesn't leave the call button or anything. 20 minutes later, my nose starts to bleed. I have no way to get anyone, so I start yelling. I was scared out of my mind already because I had been told I'd get to see my Mom and Bill (my boyfriend) by 12 and this was 2. Finally, a nurse comes in, almost pissed off that I was yelling, and I tell her my nose is bleeding and that I didn't have the thing and that I still hadn't seen my Mom. By that point, I'm sobbing, hurting my scars and just plain upset. She was nice after that and did get my mom. When my nurse got there, she was an angel. Really. I swear. She was just the nicest woman and was so attentive and everything, just very motherly.

Anyway, the day goes on and I finally get water. It's all I wanted in the world. Now we have a problem. Usually this doesn't happen, but my swelling must be so bad, making the band super tight that the water wasn't getting down well. That in combination with the pain throughout my throat caused pain at the band site. It wasn't as bad until the broth came for dinner. That really hurt. The doctor wanted to keep me overnight because of the pain. I wouldn't have slept there. Well, it would have been a morphine sleep. But anyway, he decided to leave it up to me, and I came home. 

The swallowing is so much better now. I got down a good amount of liquids today and felt a ton better.

Things have been good and bad since then. I don't react well to anesthesia well. It makes me nausea for days. So, after the day at home, we called the doctor and he prescribed something and it worked wonders. 

Otherwise, I've just been really tired. I find myself taking naps each day, which probably has to do with the lack of calories on the liquid stage. It's okay though, I've lost 20 pounds since I began the pre-op diet and now. It's a real motivator, since I can see the weight leaving my face and it just feels great to see the numbers get lower.

So far, this is worth it. But stay tuned! We're going to see things change here!