It's Been Awhile

It's been a really long time.

A year and a half since I've posted. And a whole lot has changed.

I guess I'll start by mentioning that, for a long time, I stopped needing this blog for support. I was able to motivate myself - to stay on top of things. I guess you could say that, in all honesty, I'd forgotten about my band for a good long while.

But now, I've gotten to the point where I NEED to talk about it. I need to motivate myself once more. I've become too complacent with the weight that I'm at (220, I think. I don't have a scale anymore, which is a sin in and of itself) and I want to lose the rest of what I promised myself I would do.

In the past year and a half, I've moved nearly 4,000 miles from the house I was raised in outside of Philadelphia to Glasgow, Scotland. Not a little move at all. After graduating from Drexel University in the summer of 2010, I applied for a Master's program at the University of Glasgow, was accepted and moved here. I'd never been here before, and knowing very little about Scottish food, had my band loosened before I left. That was a good choice. With the foods that are readily available, I often find myself needing to vomit with the band loosened. Things could be worse.

Anyway. So here I am. Scotland. And I refuse to leave. I love it - it's home. I'm living in my second flat, the first having been in Glasgow's trendy and expensive West End. I moved in with my boyfriend about 3 months ago and we're outside Glasgow in a town called Airdrie. I love it. It feels like home.

We've been doing a lot more physical activity than I had in my first months here. He has a dog, which is in turn, my dog as well. We walk her constantly. We've also been spending a lot of time exploring castes and churches and cathedrals and abbeys. It's wonderful. And I feel like I'm getting the physical activity that I need.

However. Gym memberships here are expensive. It's absolutely ridiculous when I think of the price in the States. So, for now, I'm looking to buy a used mountain bike. Alan's brother (Alan being my boyfriend) is skilled at fixing and repairing bikes and offered to do it for me if I get something that needs work.

I just really need to get motivated. Alan's motivating me. Regardless of how I look, he wants me to be healthy. I need to lose it so I don't have as much trouble when hiking. And, generally, I do want to look good. He makes me want to look and feel sexy. I love dressing up to impress him. It's great motivation, having someone who adores you regardless but that you still have an undying urge to impress.

I bought a GORGEOUS dress a few weeks ago. It doesn't zipper. Not at all. But I bought it because when I stepped out of the fitting room, even without the back done up, Alan's jaw dropped. It's a white 60's style polkadot dress that I found on clearance at Dorothy Perkin's. Even on clearance, it was a bit expensive compared to what I normally spend. However, it felt great to see his jaw fall. And, ultimately, I want it to fall when I walk into the room with it fitting perfectly. If I work hard, it shouldn't take me long at all. It's only a size smaller than I would typically buy. And my god do I want this dress to fit.

Oh, and I guess I should include a recent picture.

This is Alan and I outside Dumbarton Castle, which we discovered no longer has a castle there.

I'm not unhappy at all with the way I look. I feel WONDERFUL. But I know that, in the long run and although losing 75 pounds is great, I want to lose another 65. I'm more than halfway there. With some hard work, I can definitely do this.

I'm Getting There.

I've been busy. Very busy.

School is over for the term, as of yesterday. But I was hired by the Navy to write 6 videos aimed at middle and high school kids. That's what I'm suppose to be working on right now actually. I've also got grad school applications due at the end of the month. It's been a really rough time right now. 

And it's terrible, but I'm thrilled that the new medication my doctor put me on has a side effect of decreased appetite. I mean, that's not why I'm taking it, but I'm all about nice side effects, if I'm going to have any at all.

Oh! As of this morning, I'm down 55 pounds. How awesome is that? I only weight 235 pounds. This is awesome. I'm so motivated. I'm about 90 pounds away from goal. It's a long road, but this has been so totally worth it. 

And I've set myself a new mini-goal. In mid-January, I'm going to visit my Aunt and cousins in Chicago. I was there at the end of June, when I was still a little over 20 pounds heavier. I want to look good when I go out there. 

I've also got a wedding to go to the weekend before that trip, so I really want to look good. And I'd LOVE to be in high 220's for that wedding. 

Speaking of the wedding, Kate, the bride to be, and I are going to start going to the gym after the wedding. I have no motivation to go by myself, but with a friend, I think I might. Right now, I'm still just walking a lot. And I know that my weight loss would be even better if I got motivated and exercised. 

I think I'm going to go do some Wii Fit now. I need to use it more. My excuses are running out - I'm home more now, and my room is clean enough that I have space for the Wii Fit. Here goes nothing!

Almost To A Milestone!

I've always hated subway turnstiles. At 290 pounds, I always had to turn sideways to go through and it's become a habit. Even turned sideways, I would graze the sides. They're filthy, I didn't want to touch them anymore than I needed to.

Yesterday, I was going through the turnstile and realized something - I went through normally and didn't touch the sides! It was a really big moment for me. I can't remember the last time I was able to do that. Actually, I don't know if I ever could. I only started using the subway freshman year, and then, I weighed about the same as I do right now. 

And that brings me to the fact that I'm down to 241! A total loss of 49 pounds! I'm almost officially to the 50 pound mark - and once I pass it, I'll be in the 230's. I haven't weighted that since I was in high school (over 3 years ago). 

It's been hard for me loosing the past 5 pounds (it's taken me nearly 2 months and most of that weight loss was in the last three weeks). However, it's almost like they're flying off now. 

I feel really good. Like, really good. I think I'm really going to kick it up a notch. I want to move quicker. My band is tight, not too tight, but tight enough that I have trouble with doughy foods. I like it where it's at. 

Next weigh in at the doctor's is Wednesday. I'm excited. I like going (except for the fact that the hospital is in North Philly, which is a TERRIBLE neighborhood, and I feel the need to run from the train station to the hospital as fast as I can. Yes, it's that bad.)

I'm here! I haven't disappeared! I swear!

Wow. I've disappeared for longer than I had thought.

Things have just been INSANE. This is the second year in a row where I've produced a play for the Philly Fringe Festival. It's an amazing experience, but it's a lot of work. This year was really successful, at least in my eyes. I rented Studio 5 at the Walnut Street Theatre (which is the oldest theatre in the country). It's a 52 seat black box theatre. I've been working on this since February. Falling Gnome Productions, my company, was founded to basically produce my work. This year's show was REALLY good. I figured I'd show a few pictures from the show.

(I'm hiding behind the red arm chair - next year I won't feel obligated to hide!!!)

I love working on my shows, but I'm crazy exhausted. Worst part? I go back to class this week. (My school is on quarters - summer term ends in early September and fall term begins late September.) At least this is SENIOR YEAR. I'll be finished. Best part? I'll be skinnier when I finish college than when I started. In 9 months (or a little less) I'll hopefully have lost another 40 to 50 pounds and I'll amazing and I won't be scared to start Grad school or move out or anything.

I've been amazed at how good I feel though. Energy. I can walk up and down stairs without getting too winded. I feel great walking around the city again! It had been really hard for me to walk. Anything from walking through a parking lot to walking city blocks to get around - I could barely do it 7 months ago. I feel so great now. It's ridiculous how much better I feel. 

Argh. I hate my back and legs.

It's 3:30 in the morning and I woke up a half hour ago with incredibly bad leg pain. 

I use to get this more than I have recently. I have two herniated discs in my lower back, and in addition to back pain, it usually causes some super annoying leg pain. And it decided to do that tonight, a night where I had gone to bed early and was attempting to get a good night's sleep.

After a few minutes of tossing and turning, I went to the bathtub. Usually, if I soak my legs in REALLY REALLY REALLY hot water, it'll help for a little bit. I guess it relaxes the nerves. Tonight, it did nothing. Great.

So I'm sitting here, wondering if I'll ever get back to sleep. Tonight was suppose to be the first night back on a better sleeping schedule. Apparently my body had other plans.

At least I'm being semi-productive. I had to send a few emails, so I did that. I think I'm going to try to get back to sleep. Tylenol first? Sounds like a plan.

You know, I think the worst part of this is that the doctors said it would get better as I lost weight. The less pressure on my spine would elevate a lot of the pain. 44 pounds down and the pain is still there. That's a significant amount! I wanted that to help! A lot of the reason I did all of this was to help the pain I've been having. I wanted to see results. I thought I was well on my way. It's very discouraging. 

Ugh. I'm going back to bed. Hopefully it's better in the morning and I don't have to go to work like this. It makes sitting in a chair really hard, but standing is bad too. Too much of either one.

Wooooo!

I've lost another 1.8 pounds in the last 4 days. This whole wisdom tooth thing may have been the jump start I needed. That brings me down to 246.3. I can't believe Im almost to the 230's! I feel so proud of myself. I don't think I can fathom being smaller than 230. I don't know if I remember being smaller than that, except when I was in 6th or 7th grade. Wow. It really just hit me how much I've lost. 43.6 pounds since February. That seems like a lot when I look at it like that. Wow. 

And now, to put it into perspective. These things both weight 43 pounds. 

I feel really good right now. I still find it strange that people in my family don't believe that the insurance company would cover my surgery. I don't think they get the concept. I'm not lying when I say I weighted 290 pounds. And I'm 5.7 And that all brings my BMI over 40. And, if your BMI is over 40, the insurance company is like "Heeyyyy! Let's make you skinny!" 

They don't get that. It bugs me.

I was suppose to go in for a fill today, but can't due to school stuff. I now have to put it off for 3 weeks. I know that I still need another fill. I hadn't eaten breakfast since I went to the oral surgeon to have my stitches out this morning, so I came home with the intent of making a breakfast/lunch sorta thing. I made a slice of Ellio's pizza. It's soft and chewable right now. I didn't mean to eat the whole thing, but I did. And that's far more than I should be able to eat. I don't feel as guilty, since it was both my breakfast and lunch, but still.

I ordered some pants from Old Navy and they SHOULD be here today. I'm really excited. All of my pants are really big on me. I even had a pair almost fall off when I stood up in class the other day. I'm pretty sure that no one noticed, but still. That's a problem. 

I think this weekend I'm going to really go through and clean out what is unwearable for me. I haven't been a size 18 since I graduated high school, and even then, it was a comfortable 18. And when I started all of this, I was bulging out of my 22's. 

Puppets, Not Muppets

Oh. I wanted to share the puppets I've been working on this term! They made this term considerably better. It's been so much fun working on them.

This is my shadow puppet. The puppet itself isn't meant to be see, but rather flash light behind it onto a white screen. The head moves up and down and he chases the little person. 

This is my hand puppet project. I wanted to make a gnome, so I did. He's really cute. When I brought him home, my Dad was using him to drive the car. It was pretty funny.

This is my final project. I let myself get a little out of hand and made two so far. I might make one more to go with them. They are hand and rod puppets. I haven't put the rods on their hands yet. They really aren't that hard to make, at least to me.  And they are both my Muppet-esque project. I'm a big fan of the Muppets and these are my tribute.  

So this is the class I'm skipping today. Given that most people hadn't finished their hand puppets last week, I'm not worried about falling behind, mainly because I'm far ahead. 

Either way, I'm really proud of the way they've come out. I've put a lot of effort into them and wanted them to be the best they could be. 

Ugh. My teeth! I want them back!

My teeth hurt. Correction, my whole mouth hurts. And it sucks really badly. It's like an overall soreness. 

But I've lost two pounds. Actually, it could be more, since I haven't gone number 2 since last week. I think my diet this weekend prohibited it. I think I've had spaghetti-o's, mash potatoes, ice cream and cream of wheat, at least for the most part. So I guess that's a highlight of this weekend and, hopefully, it keeps up. 

Right now? My stomach hurts. Terribly. Like cramping pain. 

And I still have to go to class later. I'm done my project, so I'm probably not going to stay for the whole class, but still. I just don't feel like taking the trip to go down to school. Oh well.

Correction. I'm not going to class. I can't get up. And so, I'm going back to sleep.

Spaghetti-O's!

So far today I've eaten ice cream, spaghetti-o's, cake and mash potatoes.

Gotta love it.

I've decided that I'm not worrying about it. If I'm going to be in pain, I'm going to eat happy.

The procedure went well today. They couldn't put me under, because they couldn't find a vein. My veins are hard to find to begin with, so without having anything to drink before hand (you're not allowed) and so there was no IV for me. Instead, they did laughing gas and novocain. And it wasn't too bad for the first half of my mouth. Then, they had to drill out the bottom right tooth, since it was completely sideways. Then, the top right actually hurt - not even pain, but the pressure hurt.

Either way, it's over with. 

And I'm going to eat what makes me feel better. It's really not too bad, since I can't eat a whole lot anyway. 

I hope I can get a lot done this weekend, since I will be home anyway. I have two essays, a press release and a few other theatre things to get done before Monday.

Bye Bye Teeth

There's about a week and half until all of my final projects are due for the summer term at school. 

Tomorrow I get my wisdom teeth out. I'm not overly worried, I just want it over with. The top ones should come right out, but the bottom teeth are difficult because they're coming in sideways. 

However, it is an excuse to eat ice cream all weekend. So I'm not going to complain.

The worst thing is that I have to take a steroid pack to reduce swelling. Steroids = weight gain. Always. Always. But what are you gonna do?

I go back to the surgeon next Friday for another fill.

And this was rather uninteresting. I'm exhausted and have been doing so much. I spent the afternoon and a good portion of the evening working on my final project for my puppet theatre class. It's so much fun. I'll have to post pictures so you can see what I've made. They all came out REALLY well.  I get really excited about making them. I love working on crafty things - whether sewing, scrapbooking or whatever. I'm starting to think I could easily make this a very fun hobby. 

I should probably go to bed. I have to be up early for tomorrow.

But, you know, I was thinking. I wonder how much my teeth weigh? 

Gotta Tough It Out

This is the time of the year when things get really stressful for me. It's the end of the summer term at school, which just seems to be more work than the end of any other term. And then there's preparing for the Fringe Festival, which is both exciting and nerve-racking. 

To make things worse, when I get this stressed out, all I want is junk food. Comfort food. I've always been someone to take comfort in food. Always. Ever since I was a skinny little kid and got made fun of at school, my Mom would bake me cookies. It's a way to cope. I've been really trying to find new ways to cope with hard situations, but it's baffling sometimes. I'm not sure what to do. 

I haven't been eating a whole lot, but what I do eat, is crap. I've been working on crafts, trying to get homework done and just generally trying to keep busy, but all I can think about is pizza (which I have trouble eating to begin with) and cheese fries and beer and brie with bread and Long Island Ice Tea's and pigs ears (my FAVORITE pastry, not actual animal ears or dog toys) and hoagies and everything else under the sun that I can feel making my mouth water. 

Ugh. I can't help it. And I can feel myself getting irritable (it's almost that time of the month) and it's not making the comfort food cravings any easier. I try to give myself enough to curb cravings when I have them, because I feel like if you tell yourself straight out NO to anything, it makes everything worse. 

I guess I should get dressed. We're suppose to go to a birthday party that I just don't want to go to. Oh well

Time Warp to the 40's

FINALLY!

I've made it below the 250's. I now officially weight 249.6. I've been struggling for awhile on the same few pounds, but now we're there. This also means I've officially lost 40.1 pounds - pretty awesome, isn't it?

I had a fill, I guess it was two weeks ago, and although I have a little more restriction, I know that I need more. He has me coming back in two weeks for another, as he didn't want to over do it. 

Random thought, he's now put 4cc's into my band, plus whatever was there to begin with. How does that compare with other people? I know it's not the same for everyone, I'm just trying to get an idea. 

But I'm below 250!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, excited impulse. I don't remember the last time I weighted less than 250 - but I'm pretty sure it was the beginning of Freshman year of college. I think I graduated high school weighing 225 - 230 ish and wearing a size 18 comfortably. Freshman year started and those 18's were tight and I started buying 20's. Then 22's. Then, I shoved myself into those 22's because I refused to buy a larger size. Now? The 20's are comfortable. Not overly big, but they stretch out over the course of the day, and then fall of a little bit. 

I better start going through my closet and finding my stash of size 18's. I'm going to need them soon. 

I have come to three conclusions lately.

1. I need a fill. I'm hungry. I don't like it. I haven't been really hungry in a long time. And I can eat more that I feel that I should. I NEED more food to make me full than I should. I'm not talking FULL, but just normally full - content. I go to the doctor on Friday, so we'll see how that goes.

2. I need to remember to eat better. I think I give myself too much freedom sometimes. It's just, when it comes down to it, it's easier when at school. It's expensive for the good stuff and cheap for the crap. The crap is also easier to come by when everything else is closed for the summer term. This includes soda. I drink too much of it for a few reasons. It's easy to get at school, where other diet beverages are hard to come by. And I like it. It doesn't bother me to drink and it's there. Hopefully, after a fill, I won't be able to drink it anymore. I will say that it gives me terrible burping fits.

3. My Dad just might be right the moon thing. He told me, and I think I mentioned it, that your body retains more water when the moon is becoming full. I feel like I loose more after a full moon. It's been how every thing has been working at least.

On a non-band level, things are starting to get to me. I'm really busy between school, work and Fringe festival stuff. 

And now, due to my own insanity, I'm making crazy plans for crazy things for next year. I need to slow down and worry about today.

Almost to a Milestone

We're down! I lost another pound, bring me to 252 and the grand total lost to 38 pounds lost!

I'm pretty excited. I really want to get below the 250 mark before I go to the doctor on the 24th. I think that's a completely reasonable goal. It's 2 and a half weeks away. I can do this, if I really buckle down and work at it. 

I can't wait to get below the 250 mark. Being below the 250 mark seems to be another world to me right now. It's somewhere I want to be. It was my first goal - get below 250. Getting below 250 also means that I will have lost 40 pounds. 

It almost makes me want to make plans to see my Dad's family. I don't think they ever thought I'd loose weight. I'd always be the fat one. Sure, I can be smarter, work harder and do better in life than there kids, but I'd still be the fat one. I can't wait. I think I'm going to weight a little longer - maybe until I'm down 50 pounds - to make plans with them. Does this make me a shallow person? I don't think so. It's one of those things - family issues. Either way, I can't wait to show myself off. Memorial day weekend wasn't that big of a deal, mainly because my family in Chicago haven't seen me in years anyway. It makes you feel good - seeing people who haven't seen you since before surgery. Because even when they don't say anything, and my Dad's family won't, you still feel wonderful. You know they know. Does that make sense? 

Anyway. I should probably go get lunch. I only woke up an hour ago, so I guess I missed breakfast, but all the same. 

UPDATE - So, maybe eating lunch wasn't such a good idea after all. The first few bites were followed by a very long, and very painful, trip to the bathroom so that I could see my lunch again. Lovely. I'm sticking to low-fat, frozen yogurt - the Ben&Jerry's Cherry Garcia variety. A half cup is 160 calories and 3.5 grams of fat. Anytime I try to eat something normal after an 'episode', it's uncomfortable, so I avoid solids for a couple of hours.

Getting Down in Pounds and The Joy of Baseball

I've been fluctuating between 254 and 253 for about two weeks now. I just haven't been able to get down. After a weekend of splurging and enjoying myself, it's official. We're down. 252.9. I know it's not FAR down, but it's something. 

I've been really trying to get myself down below 250 for about a month and a half now. My weight loss has been VERY slow for the past two months. I lost a lot initially and it's frustrating that it's harder now. I didn't gain weight post-op, I just kept loosing. Right now, I'm 19 weeks post-op and have lost 37 pounds, officially. That's an average of 1.95 pounds a week. Now, that would be GREAT, if it was a steady loss. Like I said, I dropped so much initially that it's hard to deal with the slow pace now. 

And I really feel like I need a fill. I can eat much more than I should. We went to Wawa last night after a baseball game and I ate a Shorti hoagie, which is a 6 inch sandwich. I shouldn't be able to do that. I don't want to be able to do that. At least, after I ate it, I was comfortably full. I wasn't stuffed - but I wouldn't have been able to eat.

Yesterday, I went with my parents to a Trenton Thunder game. They're the local minor league baseball team and they're REALLY good. Well, before the game, I grabbed a pair of skinny cut jeans I had bought a few weeks ago on clearance at Old Navy and they fit even better than they did when I bought them. I was excited. Just thought I'd share.

On another note? The baseball game went on into the 14th inning - and the Thunder won 7-6. It was an amazing game. I love baseball, so any excuse to watch it for longer makes me happy.

I think I'm going to go out and get some Japanese for lunch. I've been craving sashimi and haven't had it in a while. 

The Moon's Water Weight

I had two small whole grain pancakes for breakfast, and now I feel overly full. Ugh. Not a great way to start a Friday.

I need to watch myself for the next few days. Yesterday and the day before, I wasn't a good bandster. I had brie (much more than I should have) and Sesame Chicken (which is just bad, but oh so good). The Chinese food would have been a better choice if I hadn't eaten the leftovers later last night. 

I have an appointment for July 24th for a weigh in. I'm not sure if they'll do a fill then, but I sure hope so. I can eat more than I want to be able to. 

And I need to be careful of soda. I do. Really. 

I think this is pretty funny though. My Dad told me not to weight myself as much because, apparently, you retain more water when the moon waxing than when it's waning. The moon controls the tides, so, why not? And right now, the moon is waxing and it's almost full. 

Crazy Asian Men.

Today. Today I was sitting inside because of the heat, waiting for my class. I prefer to sit outside, but it was just so damn hot. So today, I'm sitting here, across from the theatre space at school, waiting for my class that's in the basement of the theatre. 

So. I'm sitting there, reading. Then, this Asian man walks by and smiles at me, so, of course, I smile back politely. Then, another Asian man smiles at me. Again, I politely smile back. And then he comes over to me.

'Do you have the love of God in your life?' asks the Asian man. Except, his English isn't very good.

'Yes. Thanks. I do.' I lie. I want him to go away. I do not want to be saved today. Thanks.

'Are you Christian?' he asks.

'Yes.' 

'When were you converted?' Seriously dude? Wasn't yes enough for you?

'I was raised in the Lutheran church.' 

Then, he keeps going. I'm not going to bore you. My problem is, I don't want to be rude. I don't. Really. It's his thing and it can stay that way, but after a point, I told him I had to leave for class, which wasn't a lie.

This whole thing really upset me. I think it's mainly because I feel violated. 

My school is non-secular. No religion at all. I'm a spiritual person - I was raised Lutheran, but I most organized religion is full of crap. And this isn't about their faith - to each his own. Everyone has their own thing - that's great, enjoy it. But I feel like this man violated my person beliefs as well as my personal space and time. 

As I said, we're not a secular school, so I don't know why these guys were even there. I had seen them walking around earlier while I was at work, but hadn't paid any attention to them.

I don't know. I don't like being bombarded about my beliefs and I don't do it to others. It's different to have a conversation with a friend or whatever and discuss and compare, but this was really out of line. This was an accusation and condemnation. I don't know if he wanted to 'save' me or felt that all college students are heathens. Honestly, I don't care. It's over with.

But like I said, I still feel violated and hurt. I feel like, as long as you're not hurting anyone else, practice and believe in what you want. But he did hurt me - so it's not okay anymore. He invaded my world and tried to make me feel bad about what I believe (which I do not demonstrate in the outlined conversation, but happened as the conversation went on). 

Believe what you will, but don't force in on anyone, especially me. 

A Little Bit of Bragging Is A-Okay!

Yesterday (last night??) was me and Bill's three year anniversary, so he took me on the Spirit of Philadelphia. It's a dinner cruise down the Delaware River and it's nice. We get there, and he had a dozen roses at our table and a bottle of champagne. It was a really nice evening. 

I was good too, I didn't overeat. It was my first experience with a buffet post-surgery and I was a little nervous. But I was good. All the champagne I had, however, probably wasn't the best idea - but hey, it's a special occasion. 

I love that in that photo you can see the Philly skyline. It really sets the whole mood.

And there's me feeling HOT in my dress. I tried this dress on as a joke when my Mom and I were in Ross. I couldn't not buy it after how good it looked and how great I felt in it. It helped that it was only 20 bucks.

Anyway. I just felt obligated to share my photos - mainly because I felt so good in that damn dress and I had such a nice time. We danced our little hearts out too - and Bill doesn't normally dance, but it was a really good time.

If The Shirt Fits

Today was a big day for me. Not only am I down where I was before vacation (which is awesome in and of itself, and was much easier than I expected) but today, I went shopping.

I went out with the goal of going to Torrid. I had a coupon and they had their 50 percent off clearance deal going on. Mom and I got there and stopped in Lane Bryant. I bought a shirt that I had thought about months ago and was now only 10 bucks (AND a smaller size). 

We're walking past Jones New York and I look in the window at a shirt and tell my Mom how I can't wait to be able to go in there and buy that shirt. It's so cute and I just wish I could shop there. We end up going in, because they're having an awesome sale and my Mom needs stuff. So, we're looking for her and I thought to myself "I wonder if this tank top would fit me?"

So I try it on. 

AND IT FITS!

Then, having forgot about the shirt in the window, I'm wandering around and looking for more shirts to try on. 

And I see it. Right there. The shirt. And I grab it. Try it on. ANNNNNNDDDDD IT FITS TOO! It's not a perfect fit, but it fit. (Pardon how terrible the picture is - my Mom isn't good with the camera.)

I can't explain how I felt. This is the first time in a long while where I haven't had to shop in plus size specialty stores or in the women's department. It was an amazing feeling. I just couldn't believe it. 

Best part? I didn't buy anything at Torrid. 

Here's to getting smaller! - And noticeably smaller! Right now, size 20 pants are big on me and 18's are snug. When I started this, I was bursting out of my size 22 pants.

I'm really proud of myself right now. I feel good.

The Challenges of Vacation

So, vacation is a killer. However, even after eating complete and total crap for a week, I only gained a pound. I'm pretty happy with that. And honestly, I really wasn't trying too hard to make sure I didn't eat crap. I wanted to enjoy myself.

And? I really enjoyed vacation. We did a lot - and walked a lot, so I really think that helped. 

The shore was really nice. The weather wasn't great, but we did a lot. Atlantic City, Cape May, the Wildwood boardwalk. Lots of stuff. It's nice, because I finally feel like I look good. I feel good. And it just keeps getting better.

In the parking lot of the Taj Mahal.

Chicago was great too. Saw the Sears Tower (while it still IS the Sears Tower), went to Millennium Park, went to the John Hancock building and saw the Harry Potter Exhibition. Got to spend time with my cousins and Aunt Mary. The weather at night was terrible - really horrible thunder storms, but during the day, it was humid but sunny enough.

Ali and myself in a random Chicago church garden.

Worst part of Chicago was - well, there were two worst parts. Worst thing about Chicago is the traffic. It's terrible - I've never seen it like that before and at all hours of the day. The worst part of my personal trip was, on Saturday night, we went to dinner at Chili's. I had a margarita and, for my meal, I ordered a half of a turkey sandwich and a side salad. So, I eat some of the side salad, a little bit of the sandwich with bread, and then take the meat off of the bread and eat just that. And then, I had another margarita, which was a bad idea. It wasn't the liquor, it was the sheer volume of liquid I was trying to consume. And it was a really, really bad choice. I got so sick - I had to throw up in the bathroom to make things better. It just wouldn't go down. And it was all my own fault. Live and learn, right? I thought I was making better choices but I guess I should have gone without the second drink. Either way, Bill finished the drink for me, so I didn't feel bad about ordering it.

I'm happy with my progress right now. I do, however, need to really buckle down and set up a better plan. 

Looking at pictures makes me feel good now - I can see the weight loss. I've still got a lot to go, but it's not nearly as bad as it was before.

OH! And so, I was at the hairdresser with my Mom the other day. I go because I get bored and have nothing better to do. The hairdresser is a friend of ours and so it's always entertaining. But anyway, the girl who works there, she was asking how I was doing with my band and everything (she's really sweet) and I told her. And Leslie, my Mom's hairdresser's sister, asks how much I have to lose. I told her - I have another 95 to 100 pounds to loose. Her mouth dropped. She then asked, if I didn't mind, how much do I weigh. I don't care who knows - I told her, 253, as of that morning. She was shocked that I weighed that much. It really made me feel good to know that I look better than I could. 

I feel good. I'm looking better. The loss is very noticeable now. I can't wait to get to the end of this journey. I really can't.